How to Stop Hating Your Boss Without Quitting Your Job
Do you think it's possible to stop hating your boss? It's a common problem. In fact, it's the #1 complaint I hear from my clients. Any of these statements sound familiar?
My boss is a perfectionist and nothing I do is good enough.
If my boss would just stop acting this way, I could actually enjoy my job!
My boss is a [insert NSFW word here]!
We’ve all worked for a difficult person at some point in our careers. Maybe you work for one now. Odds are, you will again. You can’t simply quit any time you clash with your boss.
But what if I told you that there’s a way to not let your boss get you down?
I’ve got a juicy secret to share with you: You can start enjoying your job right now without your boss doing anything different.
What kind of voodoo is this, you might be asking. Well, let me tell you. It’s the everyday magic of taking control of your own mind.
Stop Blaming Your Boss
In my corporate career, I was fortunate enough to work under Steve Jobs. But at first I didn’t feel very fortunate.
It was 1993 and I was on the team planning the opening the very first Apple stores in Cupertino. Each week we would prototype the opening, and each week I would cry. I was miserable and frustrated, and the record playing in my head was, “Steve is demanding. He’s cruel. He’s an awful boss!”
But really, he wasn’t any of those things. He was simply tough. He was pushing us to think outside the box and to set an incredibly high standard for ourselves and our work.
Before I had this realization, the story I was telling myself—that my boss was mean and uncaring— was causing me to feel powerless and stuck.
Once I changed that story, everything changed. Not only did I stop feeling miserable, I actually felt grateful. Sure, it was a hard year in my career. But it was also a year of incredible growth. I still hold myself to that high standard that Steve set for us all. I’m a better person for that experience.
The huge insight I had—and that you can have as well—is that feelings are subjective. I had the power to change them if I wanted to. They weren’t some kind of “universal truth.” Moreover, they were making me miserable!
Let me ask you this: If you bought a shirt and every time you wore it, it scratched you and made you break out in a rash, would you keep wearing the shirt?
Of course not!
Blaming your boss is like wearing that shirt. Right now your feelings are making you completely miserable, but it’s absolutely in your control to exchange them for something better.
Stop Hating Your Boss
I know it seems counterintuitive, but it’s not your boss making you feel crummy. It’s the feeling about your boss.
Behind each feeling is a thought, so you need to examine your thoughts and then work to change them.
I coached a client through this very issue last year. Her hatred for her boss was coming up over and over as the top reason she was unhappy at her job.
She kept telling me that her boss was ruining the culture of the company and was mean to everyone. Every time she tried to point this out to him (yes, she was bold), he won the power struggle and he didn’t change.
So I asked her if she could pause all these thoughts about her boss and answer this question: What did she like about working there and what did she actually like about working for him?
It turned out she had plenty to say about what she liked. She actually really believed in the company’s mission and what it stood for. Gradually, during our sessions, she changed her focus from the negative story to a positive one. She saw that her boss was a good leader because of his big vision.
She stopped trying to change him and instead changed how she was thinking about him.
Let me repeat that because it’s huge: The boss stayed exactly the same, but the employee stopped hating him and began enjoying her job because she changed the thoughts in her head.
It’s that simple. So let’s look at how you can stop hating your boss, just like I did, and just like my client did.
Start Enjoying Your Job
What record is playing on repeat in your mind about your boss? What thought are you having over and over again?
Look at that thought and see it as simply a story you’ve come to believe. Your ticket out of hating your boss is developing self-awareness so you can be conscious of the stories you believe, and then work to change them.
The next time you feel frustrated with your boss, instead of justifying your anger with negative thoughts, try some new thoughts.
Because here’s the truth: You can be frustrated, angry, and upset at someone, but the only one suffering is YOU.
There is so much freedom in letting others (like your boss) just be who they are. You do you, and let other people do them. Let go of the thoughts causing you pain and try these new ones instead:
I’m choosing to think [fill in whatever thought you’re having], and that’s OK.
It’s possible that…
I’m open to changing my belief about…
I may be wrong about…
I enjoy my job, even with this boss.
Don’t beat yourself over what you’re thinking. (Hence, the “that’s OK” part of #1.) Instead, be observant, curious, and experimental. Notice what you’re thinking right now, and see how you can start to shift it.
You Don’t Have to Go It Alone
I promise you that you can stop hating your boss. You can kick ass at your job. Not by changing your boss, but by changing the way you think about him or her.
You don’t need to quit your job or have frustrating confrontations with your boss. Instead, tell yourself a new story so you can take charge of how you feel.
And you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to help you take control of your story and your feelings. I’ll teach you how to become aware of your thoughts and ditch the ones that are making you miserable.
Schedule your free Strategy Session and let me help you take the first steps to stop hating your boss and start loving your job.