The Dilemma of Being A Leader
I know in my previous emails I’ve touched on the topic of emotional intelligence or being mentally in shape. I’m going to touch on it again in this email because this is such a hot topic. Now more than ever in our businesses, our society and our culture the stress is compounding. Recently I heard being mentally in shape referred to as Emotional Fitness.
We’re getting ready to start the summer season. Overall health and fitness is important at this time of year. You’re going to get your body in shape by following a good diet and exercise. You might even get your car tuned up for a long road trip this summer.
If you’re going to get fit in ALL areas then you need to be have Emotional Fitness as well. Exercise, diet and sleep are healthy ways to relieve stress but you need to go deeper.
Why is this important?
Because the more success you get, the more pressure you feel. Which in turn kills creativity (innovation) and connecting which is what you need to be a great leader. When the stress is compounding and you have to be able to understand how to deal with it.
Emotional fitness can impact your ability to lead for the better.
There are 7 core emotions that are commonly experienced:
Happiness
Sadness
Anger
Fear
Disgust
Surprise
Contempt
When I ask clients what they feel, more times than not they respond with 'what they think’, not feel. Most leaders are not emotionally literate and most of them only know one way to be…. stressed, crisis, pressure, drama.
The enemy of emotions when things aren’t clear is to spin. What I mean by this is when we can’t identify our emotions then we end up reacting, resisting and avoiding situations. And you spin.
Ultimately you can’t get control of your mindset to get clear… and then you miss out being innovative, connecting and leading with influence and inspiration. I had some great bosses. They were smart, successful, generally good people but they had so much daily pressure that they lacked connecting with people in inspiring ways.
Miles Adcox, CEO of Onsite, mentions that high impact leaders should step away from being the leader, the persona of a leader to be real. Preferably 1x a week but at least 2x a month where you’re not isolated. Find someone - a coach, a mentor or a friends circle or small group - where you can be feel safe to speak truth to what’s honestly on your mind. In this space you don’t have to pretend you have all the answers. The goal as a coach, a mentor, a therapist, a support group is to help you be more self-aware of your emotions, be vulnerable and show you how to manage your mind when the pressure is on. The result is you to optimize your leadership experience and enjoy your job.
The first step toward emotional fitness is to get in touch with your emotions with an exercise Miles coins as the Emotional Body Scan. In week two of my coaching program I do the same exercise with my clients but I like Miles way of describing it.
The basic premise for an Emotional Body Scan involves 3 steps:
You identify your emotion - one of the top 7 feelings noted above, or better yet go deeper by finding one from the wheel of emotions that I attached.
You clarify how intense it is in your body on scale of 1-10. Including a series of questions you ask as you describe the emotion throughout your body.
You offload it by sharing it with someone. A safe sounding board.
Emotional fitness is not a mushy concept. It is about leadership and growth. Professional athletes are practicing emotional fitness just as much as they are getting their bodies in shape. I want to help you answer these TWO important questions to keep asking yourself:
What do you feel?
How do you want to feel?